that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize