Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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