Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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