WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
