I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
