Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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