So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
