i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
