Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A bitchslap is in order.
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