ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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