I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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