tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize