Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
