And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
