4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
