a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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