Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
