my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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