it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
