At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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