After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
