theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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