I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
where are my eyebrows?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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