I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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