He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize