it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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