gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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