Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize