In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
