I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
