i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Houston, we have a blender
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
