there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
