I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
