I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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