heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
