A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
