GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize