Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
