The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
