You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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