what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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