i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm always down for nudity.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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