i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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