do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
