no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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