walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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