Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
