Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
