can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
