she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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