Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
