508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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