I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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