I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize