i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
