I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
