He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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