never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
