Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize