i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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