i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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