have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
