He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
