so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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