please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
