My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
