He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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