About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
