Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
