And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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