It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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