he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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