Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
