sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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