It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
