So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
